anorexic bnha ff
by rainnynightts
Summary: Midoriya has anorexia nervosa and spends most of his time stuck in his own head. Thoughts racing through his brain whenever he scrutinized food or his body and an ever-tightening spiral that never seems to loosen as he gets further into it. He can't escape his disorder and he sure as hell can't escape himself.
1. prologue

Izuku Midoriya stood in the bathroom, scrutinizing his own body in the mirror. A nightly ritual he hadn't been able to shake since he first received 'One for All' from All Might. The boy had been given a task to train his body to become the best host possible in such a limited time and while he was blinded by the prospect of having his own quirk, he'd stopped eating so that his body would be in shape.

The thoughts had started not long after this.

_Don't eat the breakfast your mother has prepared, it has too many carbs. _But I want to, I haven't eaten in almost week. _You've been losing weight though, isn't that what you want? _Maybe, but my metabolism has been ruined and the only way I can fix it- fix _myself_ is to eat. _But by eating, you're guaranteeing weight gain and you worked so hard to get rid of your chubbiness. _Fine, I won't eat for now.

The cycle constantly in his head, never showing a sign of giving up but instead tightening until the thoughts were the only things occupying his brain. Midoriya had tried everything to fight it but in the end, he'd given in to the toxicity that he'd created by himself and was slowly being eaten up by it.

He'd seen the statistics: _20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from eating disorder related health complications… _He just didn't believe he was going to be one of them. Midoriya thought he was strong - or at least strong enough to take on this extra hurdle in the race that was his life. But the thing is, he wasn't as strong as he'd thought.

Finally, he pulled on his uniform for UA and walked out of the bathroom, trying to not put another thought to his 'disorder'.

Aizawa-sensei was speaking to the class but Midoriya couldn't focus. He was too tired and the pain in his stomach was almost enough to blind him. His vision was going black at the edges and the darkness was slowly enveloping the entirety of the boy. But he kept looking forward.

Despite it being a fairly warm day in Japan, Midoriya was freezing and tugged constantly at his long-sleeved uniform in an attempt to cover his arms and warm them. However, he couldn't warm his body and sat there in his chair, shivering. But he kept looking forward.

The constant drone of his teacher's voice was somewhat in the background and Izuku was barely able to focus on it without being sucked into his inescapable mind. Thoughts swirled around his head and before he could turn his attention to one, something new took its place. But he kept looking forward.

He could barely take the pain that was building up inside of his stomach and his mind and his entire being. Midoriya's head swayed and he propped it up using his arm as a stand. He had no energy nor any warmth but he couldn't accept the fact that he was sick.

Sick is the word they use on people in hospitals or people who go to doctors. The label is there for those who need help and Izuku was a firm believer in the idea that he didn't need help. He wasn't sick because he didn't believe he was.

When the bell rang, signalling the end of his lesson and the beginning of lunch, the boy stood up and immediately started swaying as if his balance was non-existent. He managed to make it exactly three steps before his legs gave out and he collapsed, hitting his head on the edge of a desk on his way to the floor.

And just like that, Midoriya was unconsciousness in the middle of his classroom and no one knew why. Except for him.


	2. chapter 1

Midoriya woke up in the infirmary, his eyes taking their precious time to adjust to the harsh lighting glaring down on him. He could smell the scent of hospitals and scrunched his nose while attempting to rub the sleepiness out of his eyes. He barely had any strength in his limbs but tried to push his body up into a sitting position.

'You're awake,' Izuku heard a deep voice say and his head turned slowly to his left to reveal Todoroki sitting in a chair.

He had his arms crossed and his body was slumped forward slightly, as if he was tired of sitting.

'Recovery Girl fixed you up but wouldn't give any information on why you passed out. She said that you might not have a lot of strength over the next few days…' Shoto said and seemed to hesitate before finishing. 'She also put extra emphasis on eating to regain your strength.'

_He doesn't know… No one knows… _Midoriya thought and tried to focus on where he was in attempt to ground his mind from wandering. The boy hummed in response and gave a quick glance around the infirmary before turning his attention back to Todoroki.

'Why…' he tried to start talking but his voice came out hoarse so he cleared his throat before continuing. 'Why are you here?'

Todoroki seemed to take his time processing the words and finally calculated an answer that he was able to share. 'Aizawa was worried, he put me in charge of watching you for some reason. I honestly don't even know why he didn't send Uraraka or Lida or even Tsu.'

_Does Aizawa know? Could he tell?_ Midoriya thought and his mind started wandering again. He felt his chest start tightening with panic and his lungs felt like they were being crushed under the weight of an elephant. Breathes turned into gasps for air but he still tried to stay quiet, he didn't want anyone to worry about the panic attack he was having.

Breathe in and out. In and out. Steady breathing helps. _But he knows. _We don't know that, he might've just been worried. _Might've. Even you're not sure. If he knows, he'll tell your mother and she'll force to eat. Everything we worked for will be gone. _No, he can't know. How would he even be able to tell? _You fainted in the middle of the fucking classroom, how would he _not _be able to tell?_ True...

After a good ten minutes of fighting back and forth with his own brain, Izuku was finally able to breathe. He was no longer gasping for air which was a good sign, his chest wasn't as tight as before and he'd regained a bit of strength in his muscles.

'How long have I been here?' Midoriya asked suddenly. For all he knew, he could've been here for hours or even overnight. His mother might be worried about him.

'Don't worry, you've only been here for about an hour and a half,' Shoto said, in a surprisingly reassuring voice.

Without realising, Midoriya let out a sigh of relief and Todoroki's mouth twitched upwards a bit, as if he might smile at the boy for once but his stone-cold expression appeared only moments later and it was as if the whole thing had never happened.

'Aizawa wanted me to report back when you woke up…' Todoroki said and sat forward a bit, more to attention. 'But if you need more rest, I can wait a bit longer. You look like you need it.'

Izuku smiled slightly but couldn't hold the expression for long. He realised there was a mirror in the infirmary and looked into it, noticing just how dark the bags under his eyes had become from not having enough energy and the countless nights he'd stayed up because of the pain he felt in his stomach.

He saw that his skin was paler than it should've been, as if all colour in his face had dissipated along with his appetite. He had a bruise on the side of his face from where he'd fallen and another not far away from the previous one probably from when he'd hit his head on the desk. Luckily, they were only faint which meant Recovery Girl must've done a good job fixing him up without any energy produced on his part.

After a few more moments of examining, the boy turned back to Todoroki and said a brief thank you before lying down and passing out only moments after his head hit the pillow.

Shoto smiled faintly and sat back in his chair, watching Midoriya carefully. Aizawa had been hesitant to let him watch over the boy but the request was so shocking to the elder that he'd let him go, reluctantly.

And he sat there, watching the boy until he woke up again.


End file.
